By Meryl Hartstein
Contrary to many beliefs, there are happy relationships. Not everyone is destined for divorce, breakup and heartache. There are many who survive the ups and downs and continue to be happy where they are. Here are my tips on how to keep it fresh, exciting and without drama:
Communication: We all know that communication is crucial to getting along, but many of us shut down instead. It’s easier sometimes to just sweep our words under the rug. That’s the worst thing you can do. It only collects anger and resentment. That doesn’t mean you have to spew out words immediately when you get annoyed, but if it’s something that you can’t dismiss, then have a talk. You will be surprised how much better the relationship will feel if you aren’t harboring unspoken words and feelings.
Identity: It’s crucial to keep a separate identity in any relationship. You are not changed into someone else when you decide to be someone’s partner. You need to keep your identity intact. You interests, your friends and most importantly, your space needs to be respected by one another. It’s much healthier to have outside interests apart from one another. If not, there will be little to talk about if you are together nonstop and inseparable. This keeps the relationship interesting and fresh.
Laughter: Part of friendship is laughter, so why shouldn’t it also play a huge part in your relationship. Learning to laugh at even serious situations, makes life so much happier. It lightens the load and can turn negativity into positivity. Finding happiness together is what it’s supposed to be. Laughter creates memories. Having a similar sense of humor is bonding and connects you on a different level. The more laughter the less arguing!
Niceties: In our day to day language, we sometimes forget simple words like please and thank you. If you can use them on a consistent level, they will become more automatic. When you have a close relationship to someone, laziness can start to settle in. We forget the niceties that we used to use in the beginning of our relationships. It’s a sign of respect and it makes a huge difference.
Extras: Those little extras that we can do for our loved ones can turn a frown upside down! Going that extra distance is worth it. Just by remembering their favorite foods, buying them a little token of your appreciation or just by telling them how much they mean to you really can strengthen a relationship. Just as women want to be adored, men want to feel appreciated. It’s those little extra gestures that we can do that will make them want to make you happy in return. Remember, what you give is what you will receive.
Passion: We all know about physical passion in a relationship, but emotional passion is necessary too. Knowing that you are desired on every level can be very hot. Planning intimate time together brings anticipation and it keeps things fresh just like when you were dating early on in your relationship. Letting your partner know how attractive you think they are can be a real turn on. Tell them how happy they make you and what you want to do to them when you are together again.
To sum this all up, what we give is what we will receive. Yes, its true men and women are completely different, but we all want to be loved. If you practice respect, kindness and honesty, most relationships will thrive. It’s an ongoing effort that takes two for it to work!